Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Jose Alfredo LaraMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 103 Deviations 109 Comments 8,419 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Rapid Fire Clap by alpha-dragon
Mature content
Rapid Fire Clap :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0
Absence and fire by alpha-dragon Absence and fire :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 Dragons Skate Deck by alpha-dragon Dragons Skate Deck :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 2 0 Painting with Bob Ross by alpha-dragon Painting with Bob Ross :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 2 0 Chef Paulito by alpha-dragon Chef Paulito :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0 BrosOnTheCouch Logo by alpha-dragon BrosOnTheCouch Logo :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 Sun and Earth Quote by alpha-dragon Sun and Earth Quote :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0 Chibi crash final by alpha-dragon Chibi crash final :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 Memory of the Angel Dragon of Light by alpha-dragon Memory of the Angel Dragon of Light :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 April 2010 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon April 2010 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0 March 2010 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon March 2010 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 January/Feburary 2010 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon January/Feburary 2010 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0 December 2009 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon December 2009 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 2 0 November 2009 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon November 2009 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0 October 2009 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon October 2009 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 1 0 September 2009 newsletter cover by alpha-dragon September 2009 newsletter cover :iconalpha-dragon:alpha-dragon 0 0

Random Favourites

The Seven Deadly Sins: WRATH by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: WRATH :icondahlig:dahlig 52,816 3,702 The Seven Deadly Sins:GLUTTONY by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins:GLUTTONY :icondahlig:dahlig 28,516 1,924 The Seven Deadly Sins: SLOTH by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: SLOTH :icondahlig:dahlig 37,269 2,450 The Seven Deadly Sins: AVARICE by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: AVARICE :icondahlig:dahlig 37,818 2,153 The Seven Deadly Sins: LUST by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: LUST :icondahlig:dahlig 44,159 2,877 The Seven Deadly Sins: ENVY by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: ENVY :icondahlig:dahlig 41,996 2,644 The Seven Deadly Sins: VANITY by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: VANITY :icondahlig:dahlig 71,190 6,484 Line Rider - beta by fsk Line Rider - beta :iconfsk:fsk 24,017 5,695 Long Live the King by pwm Long Live the King :iconpwm:pwm 36 43 No One is Home by MrMilkcarton No One is Home :iconmrmilkcarton:MrMilkcarton 2 9 Ya know, hypothetically... by Tamyra Ya know, hypothetically... :icontamyra:Tamyra 65 31 A.Q.U.A.R.I.U.S by Kaze-Hime A.Q.U.A.R.I.U.S :iconkaze-hime:Kaze-Hime 7,257 969 Checkmate by Hera-of-Stockholm Checkmate :iconhera-of-stockholm:Hera-of-Stockholm 38 317 Key by lorienelf Key :iconlorienelf:lorienelf 3 5 . Witness . by kathy100 . Witness . :iconkathy100:kathy100 6,884 1,124 God of Fire - Fox Fire by Ashwings God of Fire - Fox Fire :iconashwings:Ashwings 21,525 1,799

Wishlist

The Seven Deadly Sins: AVARICE by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: AVARICE :icondahlig:dahlig 37,818 2,153 The Seven Deadly Sins: ENVY by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: ENVY :icondahlig:dahlig 41,996 2,644 The Seven Deadly Sins: SLOTH by dahlig The Seven Deadly Sins: SLOTH :icondahlig:dahlig 37,269 2,450

What being unlucky means.

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 7, 2017, 9:20 PM


What being unlucky means.








I am not a superstitious person. I'm not religious I don't believe in magic or any of the things that people sometimes attribute to luck. However, I do feel like there are things that are out of our control. Things that can sometimes make a big difference to succeeding or failing. Over my lifetime I’ve always felt like I was on the bad or unlucky side of influences outside of my control. To put it bluntly, I'm unlucky.


I don't want to go into specific details about how in X situation I was so unlucky because this and that all happened to me in my life. Instead, I want to look at what being unlucky has come to mean in my life now and going forward. Some people might hear bad luck and think of some RNG or random number (generator or game.) For example, if you're playing Russian roulette with a 6 round barrel and 3 bullets in it there is a 50% chance that when you spin that cylinder around and pull the trigger with the barrel pressed against your head then that's it game over! Same 50% chance that you live and get to try again. That's not what I mean about bad or good luck. That's just an extreme risk taken while playing a numbers game. What I mean by bad luck in my life is that when I am putting in 100% effort into some project or job that I'm working on, the things that I have no control over that make my 100% effort either too much (if lucky) or not good enough (when unlucky.) Now some people might say "you make your own luck in those cases" I disagree. I know that I can do extra work to try and make sure that things won't go wrong and won't surprise me with unfavorable circumstances, and that's the point to do those extra things is doing more than 100% effort it's putting in 120% to make sure nothing fucks up. All my life I've felt like if I don't do that extra % to make sure everything will work as intended it's always come back to bite me in the ass.


Everyone isn't always giving 100% effort so many people claim to, or claim to "always give 110%" and I know that's bull shit because when good luck happens I've seen other people give 70%-80% effort and hey good luck took care of the rest job done that was easy. For the unlucky nothing is ever easy. After a lifetime of constantly being beaten down by bad luck over and over again. I finally gave up. I was tired of constantly having to put extra effort into things that still didn't always turn out as I worked for. So after losing my last job, I gave up fuck it I said for almost 2 1/2  years instead of going out of my way to try and do extra work here's my 0 fucking percent effort fuck off to the whole world. That's where I've been at rock bottom just taking what ever life gives me and in most cases, it's been nothing. Worst of all is the people around me who try to be encouraging by saying "hey just keep trying and keep going and things will work out!" That has to be the shittiest advice anyone can give. I don't need well wishers or prayers I need someone who can actually do something to fucking help me.


I'm not dead yet though been carried around for those 3 years by people who care WAY too much about me and the help has probably been worse for me than being left to die. Because now as I look up at the work I have to do to get up from rock bottom it's so much higher a climb than I can do alone. The bad luck I gave up on was not waiting for me either as I start to look at the effort I have to put forward to achieve anything the odds seem insurmountable. Going back to my Percentage effort scale again. It's like getting back to where I was, feels like I have to put in 400% to 1000% more effort than before because I let myself go.


So here I stand looking at these obstacles in my way knowing that I have to go through them and get my ass kicked over and over again. Just to get back to having to put in 130% effort in case something out of my control goes wrong again. I don't want to make any promises 'cause I know what lies ahead of me and at any point, I could just give up again. I'm no hero for trying to take on these obstacles again, I created this fucking mess myself and now I have to try and clean it up. Like sweeping leaves on a windy day that's my life now.






"We are confident that evil can never happen to us until it does"



Bangambiki Habyarimana, Pearls Of Eternity



  • Listening to: Xkito youtube chill playlist to calm myself down.
  • Reading: Audio book while I work no time to read.
  • Watching: all of my past mistakes come back to haunt me.
  • Playing: Lucio Ball!

Journal History

deviantID

alpha-dragon
Jose Alfredo Lara
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm a Graphic Designer. I have been drawing and creating art since I was in elementary school. In middle school and high school I further developed my talent in my schools SCPA program where I was able to learn different techniques, styles and history of art for two hours a day. In college I took a break from art for a while until I was the Editor for the sports section of the school paper. From there I went to a trade school to learn how to use Photoshop Illustrator and other design programs to translate my art into functioning Desgin.
And now I'm here having forgotten all of that.
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconlorienelf:
lorienelf Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2006
You've got some cool stuff here. I'll watch you :+devwatch:
Reply
:iconcar-fan:
car-fan Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2006
Nice gallery :)

I know it's a bit late but welcome to DA :wave:
Reply
:iconjlego:
jlego Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2006  Professional Interface Designer
Welcome To DA! :wave:
Reply
:iconfive-aces:
Five-Aces Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2006
I will be more than honoured to comment on your page :)

I guess it's a bit late, but welcome to dA! You have great art here, keep it up!
Reply
Add a Comment: